We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
