are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this will be a night to untag.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
