You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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