Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
