We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
