we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
