My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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