Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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