she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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