some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
