I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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