hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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