I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
