shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
