I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
