Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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