she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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