i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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