if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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