I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We need to get me chipped asap
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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