she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
