chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
