ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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