Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
