I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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