I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize
