Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
