my vag is so smooth its legendary
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
