i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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