just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
