I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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