Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
