My nipple is on Facebook.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
