So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
