so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
