why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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