Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
