the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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