Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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