he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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