Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
