Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
