i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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