one two three fourrrrnication!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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