Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
