I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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