We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
did i walk over a car last night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
