Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
