I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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