so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?