never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
