Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Randomize
