Texts From Last Night

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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.

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  (414): I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex. http://tfl.nu/ut6h
  Replies (6) Good night (3589) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.

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  (248): the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it. http://tfl.nu/bv5q
  Replies (15) Good night (2858) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

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  (845): If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt. http://tfl.nu/ayuf
  Replies (147) Good night (1913) Bad night (5626)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.

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  (440): pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me. http://tfl.nu/oa57
  Replies (48) Good night (4845) Bad night (929)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.

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  (509): def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout. http://tfl.nu/bt4a
  Replies (5) Good night (4196) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

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  (712): Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it. http://tfl.nu/8ikj
  Replies (35) Good night (1888) Bad night (5136)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost

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  (251): I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost http://tfl.nu/fd0l
  Replies (5) Good night (3829) Bad night (1038)
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  (858): View more from California

  She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.

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  (858): She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/gw51
  Replies (10) Good night (3499) Bad night (1165)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?

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  (415): When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you? http://tfl.nu/fdu7
  Replies (20) Good night (991) Bad night (2012)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?

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  (315): That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad? http://tfl.nu/bcm2
  Replies (13) Good night (1447) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"

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  (914): I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish" http://tfl.nu/lggm
  Replies (15) Good night (4129) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real

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  (812): gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real http://tfl.nu/mhxe
  Replies (4) Good night (1362) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.

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  (757): She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night. http://tfl.nu/eco5
  Replies (8) Good night (463) Bad night (1446)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?

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  (318): i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option? http://tfl.nu/dgzq
  Replies (3) Good night (327) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle

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  (732): He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle http://tfl.nu/wavz
  Replies (2) Good night (468) Bad night (177)

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