i think i have herpe
just one?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
