I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay