I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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