I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
