I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
