the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
