What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
