That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
