Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
