He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
