I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
