Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
