I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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