i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
