i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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