Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
