I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
