WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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