felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can you bring me the toilet please
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
