yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
