I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
