i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize