ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
