she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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