I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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