just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
